omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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