I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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