rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
ttyl tear gas
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize