There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
