I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
