All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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