Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the day after is always just damage control
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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