If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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