and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
