You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
