oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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