im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
