this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
