Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
