I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
