Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
