i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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