You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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