She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
