I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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