i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
