I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need to calm my uterus...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
