apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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