im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
