I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So squirting runs in the family.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
