If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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