Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i dont even know how to be here
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
