We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize