and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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