And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
