I wish my penis had an off switch
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need a beard to bite.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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