i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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