I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize