i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
