do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
