I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
