Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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