problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
