True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
