Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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