He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
