she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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