hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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