i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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