bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
