Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
