textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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