hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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