she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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