So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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