maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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