I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
