I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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