Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
