i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
