So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
