you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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