i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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