I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
