ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize