Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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