I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she smelled like a LAN party
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
