I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
