Who wears a wallet chain?!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
