I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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