I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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