Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was born a porn star she said
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
