the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
