i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my being single is dangerous.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
