I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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