yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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