I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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