I heard we made out
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A bitchslap is in order.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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