my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
