i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
