angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
