Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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