Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
