i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
did you just send me my own nude
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
