there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
