Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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