After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
