EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize