No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
