I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
