My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
