Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Blow job season was short but glorious.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
