I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
