Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize