my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
