I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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