fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize