so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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