And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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