I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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